Some Of My Fav Pot Poetry & Stories!

How Much Pot Could A Pot Cook Cook?

A poem by Puff Mama!

Fucking people wound up tight,
Pissed off, angry, prepped to fight.
Self-indulgent, feeling blue.
They want their cake and eat it too!

Depressed and bored, jacked on pills,
Blaming everybody for their ills,
So while they’re whining for a break,
Just give ’em a smile, and let ’em eat cake!

How much pot could a pot cook cook,
If a pot cook could cook pot?

Fourteen grams is all you’d need,
Dried and ground up - any kind of weed!
Put a pound of butter in a pot,
With two cups water, lid on top.
Keep it low and you’ll soon see,
You’ll be brewing THC!
Every hour stir the mix,
Three odd hours, up to six.
With some cheesecloth, strain the shit
Then put the pot in the fridge for a bit.
Butter floats and makes a puck,
Throw out the water, yuck yuck yuck!
With that cannabutter you can make
Cookies, brownies, pies and cake!

How much pot could a pot cook cook,
If a pot cook could cook pot?

Look around and you’ll see,
Cannabinoid deficiency!
If I had my meager say,
They’d be eating pot all day!

As we try to live our life,
We’ll always have to wield a knife.
Just cut the cake and keep your cool,
‘Cause every weapon is a tool!

How much pot could a pot cook cook,
If a pot cook could cook pot?

The Great Smoke-Off.

A poem by Shel Silverstein!

In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probably knew her well
She'd been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll!

Her legend finally reached New York that Grove Street walk-up flat
Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid a beatnik from the past
He’s been rollin’ dope since time began, and he took a cultured toke
And says "Hell I can roll 'em faster, than any chick can smoke"

So a note gets sent to San Raphael for the Championship of the World
The Kid demands a smoke off "Well bring him on!” says Pearl
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands he'll roll until he drops"
Says Calistog "I'll smoke that chick till she blows up and pops"

So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread
Come one come all who walk or crawl price just two lids a head
And from every town and hamlet over land and sea they speed
The world's greatest dopers with the worlds greatest weed!

Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru
And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo

See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise lace and leather
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin’ all together
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked reefer back before it was a crime

And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl ready for their smokin' war

At a table piled up high with grass as high as a mountain peak
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers not one stem branch or seed
Maui Wowie Panama Red and Acapulco Gold
Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold
Sticks from Thailand Ganja from the Islands and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West

Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs
And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers
And there's bubblin' ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches
And there's Hersheys bars and Oreos incase anybody gets the munchies
And the Calistoga Kid he sneers and Pearley she just grins
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells go and the worlds first Smoke Off begins!

Kid flicks his magic fingers once and zap that first joints rolled
Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and woosh that roach is cold
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that'd paralyze a moose
And Pearly takes one super hit and slurp that bomb defused
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine
And everybody sits back and says "this just might take some time"

See the blur of flyin fingers see the red coal burnin bright
As the night turns into mornin and the mornin fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage smokin' and rollin' on…

With tremblin hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze and puffs through blistered lips
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
The Kid he gasps "Goddamn it, bitch! there's nothin' left to roll!"
"Nothin left to roll?!" screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?
I didn't come here to fuck around man I come here to smoke"
And she reaches cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke!

In the laid-back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probly know her well
She's been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years and the storys widely told
How she still can smoke 'em faster than anyone can roll

While off in New York City on a street that has no name
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
That says "Beware of Bein' the Roller When There's Nothin' Left to Roll"

The Tale Of Two Hasheaters.

The Tale of the Hashish Eater
Translated by Richard F. Burton
Translation 1885
from The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night (Arabian Nights)

"The Tale of King Omar bin al-Nu'uman and his Sons Sarrkan and Zau al-Makan"

...Then said she, "Know that I mean to pass this night with thee, that I may tell thee what talk I have heard and console thee with stories of many passion-distraughts whom love hath made sick." "Nay," quoth he, "Rather tell me a tale that will gladden my heart and gar my cares depart." "With joy and good will," answered she; then she took seat by his side (and that poniard under her dress) and began to say: -- Know thou that the pleasantest thing my ears ever heard was...

THE TALE OF THE HASHISH EATER

A certain man loved fair women, and spent his substance on them, till he became so poor that nothing remained to him; the world was straitened upon him and he used to go about the market-streets begging his daily bread. Once upon a time as he went along, behold, a bit of iron nail pierced his finger and drew blood; so he sat down and, wiping away the blood, bound up his finger. Then he arose crying out, and fared forwards till he came to a Hammam and entering took off his clothes, and when he looked about him he found it clean and empty. So he sat him down by the fountain-basin, and ceased not pouring water on his head, till he was tired. ...Then he went out to the room in which was the cistern of cold water; and seeing no one there, he found a quiet corner and taking out a piece of Hashish, swallowed it. Presently the fumes mounted to his brain and he rolled over on to the marble floor. Then the Hashish made him fancy that a great lord was shampooing him and that two slaves stood at his head, one bearing a bowl and the other washing gear and all the requisites of the Hammam. When he saw this, he said to himself, "Meseemeth these here be mistaken in me; or else they are of the company of us Hashish-eaters." Then he stretched out his legs and he imagined that the bathman said to him, "O my master, the time of thy going up to the Palace draweth near and it is to-day thy turn of service." At this he laughed and said to himself, "As Allah willeth, O Hashish!" Then he sat and said nothing, whilst the bathman arose and took him by the hand and girt his middle with a waist-cloth of black silk, after which the two slaves followed him with the bowls and gear; and they ceased not escorting him till they brought him into a cabinet, wherein they set incense and perfumes a-burning. He found the place full of various kinds of fruits and sweet-scented flowers, and they sliced him a water-melon and seated him on a stool of ebony, whilst the bathman stood to wash him and the slaves poured water on him; after which they rubbed him down well and said, "O our lord, Sir Wazir, health to thee forever!" Then they went out and shut the door on him; and in the vanity of phantasy he arose and removed the waistcloth from his middle, and laughed till he well nigh fainted. He gave not over laughing for some time and at last quoth he to himself, "What aileth them to address me as if I were a Minister and style me Master, and Sir? Haply they are now blundering; but after an hour they will know me and say, This fellow is a beggar; and will take their fill of cuffing me on the neck."

Presently, feeling hot, he opened the door, whereupon it seemed to him that a little white slave and and eunuch came in to him carrying a parcel. Then the slave opened it and brought out three kerchiefs of silk, one of which he threw over his head, a second over his shoulders, and a third he tied round his waist. Moreover, the eunuch gave him a pair of bath-clogs, and he put them on; after which in came white slaves and eunuchs and supported him (and he laughing the while) to the outer hall, which he found hung and spread with magnificent furniture, such as beseemeth none but kings; and the pages hastened up to him and seated him on the divan. Then they fell to kneading him till sleep overcame him; and he dreamt that he had a girl in his arms. So he kissed her and set her between his thighs; then, sitting to her as a man sitteth to a woman, he took yard in hand and drew her towards him and weighed down upon her and lo! he heard one saying to him, "Awake, thou ne'er-do-well! The noon-hour is come and thou art still asleep." He opened his eyes and found himself lying on the marge of the cold-water tank, amongst a crowd of people all laughing at him; for his prickle was at point and the napkin had slipped from his middle. So he knew that all this was but a confusion of dreams and an illusion of the Hashish and he was vexed and said to him who had aroused him, "Would thou hadst waited till I had put it in!" Then said the folk, "Art thou not ashamed, O Hashish-eater, to be sleeping stark naked with stiff-standing tool?" And they cuffed him till his neck was red. Now he was starving, yet forsooth he savoured the flavour of pleasure in his dream..